Shit Happens and then you die

I just wanted to take a minute to say that I am so freaking grateful for this man. We have both been through the ringer - of our own choosing, of course - but nonetheless it was hell. Alright, I can't speak for him, but it was hell for me without him.

The other night he took me to a premier showing of the Warren Miller film. We had such a great time, as we always do, and I told him how grateful I was for him. The topic came up of how we have 19 years left together (before he or I die) and I lost it. I don't know why or where this emotion comes from but I lose my shit when I think about loosing him, not being around him. That twelve years apart from him was too long. It was too much. My body feels so good around him. His touch comes straight from the gods. Even when he's looking at me through angry eyes, which doesn't happen very often, but still when it does ~ I melt. I am so flipping in love with this guy. When I look at him I swear I'm looking at the masculine side of me. His smile, his body, his laugh, wow.

I posted who he is to me on social media [#First!] after a big fight we had about not having enough sex. Ya, we fought about that. I wanted it, and he's tired. Mind you, I'm coming from a place where I never wanted to have sex. It was painful to me to even think about the idea and I blocked it big time. Going from that to where I am now, it's been interesting. Later I realized that was my ego fighting for his "love" and attention. I felt rejected by him. But he wasn't rejecting me at all! That energy came from long before him and it isn't his problem to fix. It was mine. He fills me up in every department - every aspect of me is complete with him. But this energetic is not his responsibility and I get it now. What a shift in perspective.

Last night he came home from work and was talking about how he is constantly saying 'I'm sorry' and 'How can I make this better for you' to all the customers at his place of business. He's the boss, that's his job, all...day...long. That's when I realized that he spends most of his days pleasing people. It's no surprise that he has nothing left when he comes home to me! I want to please him, take the load off of his back for a minute. Fill him up with all the goodies that he fills his customers up with because you know what?! He fucking deserves it. That's my job and it is honestly my deepest honor to do that for him. I am so in love with him it's not even funny.