This week has been the most magical week ever. With the birth of our new baby, our family feels closer and more complete than ever before. Halloween came with not much decorating this year, but Thanksgiving is right around the corner and I can already feel the holiday bug approaching. I am getting more and more excited to bake those delicious pies and have our home smell like christmas.
Until I met Shanon I never liked the holidays much. But since we've been here it has become my favorite time of the year. Well, that and spring, summer and fall.
The birth of Bailey Sage has in many ways cured me of ailments that have previously held me back. I sense myself referring to the experience over and over throughout the day when a thought crosses my mind that includes fear, or doubt. Although it's only been a week, it's as though I always knew throughout this entire lifetime that the birth of my daughter would be transformational.
The laboring itself was interesting. Around 4 p.m. oon Saturday, after a game of UNO and a last minute trip to the grocery store, we called everyone to head over. Rebecca would be there in an hour. Alex packed his bag and headed down the street to spend the night at our friends house. The surges, the contractions of my uterus, the opening of my cervix, the thrushing of my body working for one purpose. Then, in between, complete calm - happiness - peacefulness. All of the beautiful beings around me, calming me, taking everything they had and putting it into me for strength, and love. Deanna, our doula, was incredible through the contractions. She knew exactly how to comfort me and assure me that everything was perfect.
When I wasn't in the tub, I was on the ball, or in the bathroom. At one pointI had about 5 contractions in the bathroom with the love of my life, my husband. He would hold me, stand beside me, be there with me while I was surging. I'd lean against the wall and dance, or over the sink and dance. He was right there behind me dancing along moving our hips. He was wonderful.
Our wonderful doula, Deanna
Check out my husbands smile. He is such a love!
Colton was there at my knees, holding me through a couple hours of surges. I could feel his fear, his insecure moments. I told him to trust my body, and the process, it was natural and nothing to fear. With the next surge, I felt his grip get more secure. More intentional. He put more love into it and didn't hold back so much. He did great. I am so grateful he was there. He went to bed just in time for it to get intense.
Once I disposed of the rest of the food in my belly, making room for what was about to happen, and me not knowing how close we were to the end of my wonderful pregnancy, I laid down with my amazing husband. Our midwife came in for a moment and reminded me that my body knew what it was doing. To allow it to do what it was doing. Breathe. I did not need anybody else - all I needed to do was nothing. And I did just that, I didn't make noise, I breathed. I breathed myself open. And with that came my water sac. It was yellow. My favorite color when I was a child. Not many people say their favorite color is yellow, but it was mine. Yellow like the sun, yellow like the roses that filled my grandma's yard. I felt my cervix open up and around it. I asked Shanon to get Rebecca and she came in and I delivered the water sac that held my baby for almost 10 months. It was so gentle.
After that I got in the tub. The contractions had slowed way down, they were short, with long breaks in between. I didn't understand why my body was doing it that way, but I let it. I could feel Bailey moving around. Then when the comfort measures were no longer working, I swam over to Rebecca. I looked her in the eyes and it was all I could do not to push. At that point there was a thought that, I could not do this. Rebecca eased it by saying "this is it" you ARE doing it. This was it, this was what I had been reading about, the undeniable urge to push. I felt Bailey down inside my pelvis, kicking off the top of my stomach, and swimming to her goal. Her heartbeat was 120 bpm. Perfect. Between contractions I felt up inside me and felt not her head, but what I thought was my flesh. Rebecca checked and said she felt her head. But she wanted to see what else was going on.
I was surging while she checked further, and lost control of my legs. It was as if I didn't have time for them for a minute. I let go of them, and had them floating up behind me, dangling while I concentrated on the pushing. Rebecca got a mirror, and had our friend Jenny shine a light into the water. She could see something but didnt know if it was a butt, a yoni, or lips. It was a face she was looking at.
She calmly but assertively told me I needed to get out of the tub, and I quickly did, regardless of the surges. We went to the bedroom and I got on my elbows and knees. I heard my sister Stephanie come in and tell me she was there. I told her I loved her. She had made it just in time! She was right outside the bedroom. Rebecca said Bailey was presenting lips and nose first and that she had to be honest, it wasn't the best presentation. It was suggested that Shanon lift my hips and attempt to disengage her head. Shanon did lift me up and I was standing on my head. I was told not to push. So instead the energy went out my mouth. I screamed through each surge, there were 2 of them that I remember. Once I was brought back, with each surge, Rebecca attempted to manipulate Bailey's face through my yoni. Her chin was caught on my pelvic bone, her forehead against my perineum.
Rebecca said I should stop screaming, and push. I was grateful for the opportunity to push again and stop screaming. I knew in that moment I could get this done. Shanon suggested I squat next to the bed. When that surge stopped, I got down, squatted, and pushed with everything I had. I heard Shanon say "her chins out," and I kept pushing I felt when her head came out I got back on the bed. I felt her head and asked what I was holding. I could feel her partly inside, partly outside of me. It was incredible. Rebecca said it was a big baby, and I heard Shanon say "15 lbs". Then back on my hands and knees again and with the next surge and more intense pushing, she was out. I felt her whole body wriggle out of me.
It was the most amazing feeling ever. Feeling everything, knowing I was doing it. There was no question whether or not I could or couldn't do it once I was told I could push again.
Then on my back, she was handed to me. Her lips swollen from the stress of it all. Her eyes big. Her dads eyes big and wet from the thrill of what had just happened. I asked for my sister, and she was right there - the chord still inside of me, Bailey on my belly. It was so nice to have my sister finally there - my husband by my side touching me telling me I did a great job. Steph woke Colton up so he could meet his sister.
Once everyone was out and around cleaning, and checking Bailey, I started to shake. Steph grabbed my robe so I could warm up and I took off my wet swimming suit top and had Reba put my hair out of my face.
Even with the standing on my head during the hardest part of the labor, I would do this home birth again in a heartbeat, no question.
Dad with his daughter
Rebecca (our midwife) & Deanna (our doula)
AMAZING WOMEN!
Thank you to our friend Jenny for these wonderful pictures of this miraculous journey
Thank you to Deanna for her complete and total love through the laboring process
Thank you to my sister for being there for me always, unselfishly, and knowing somehow what I need and making sure I have it. I love you Tadan!
Thank you to Reba for her knowledge and confidence in a time that not everyone could be as calm. You knew just what to do and say at exactly the right moment, every time.
Thank you to my boys, Colton and Alex for being my sweethearts. Helping me, guiding me into being a good mom for you. I only hope I can give you and teach you as much as you've given and taught me.
And ESPECIALLY Thank you to my ever loving husband. Without you and your kindness I could not have gotten through this experience. I love you with all my heart forever and always.
