Welcoming in 2018

2018.

I resolve to laugh more and cry less.

I resolve to open my heart, my life and my love with those who see me and encourage me to be my highest light especially when i am releasing my lowest.

I resolve to dissolve relationships which do not support my highest good.

I resolve to be the light for those experiencing the dark.

I resolve to be the person whom i wish to have in my life.

I resolve to continue to seek truth, chase the lightest and the brightest, be the catalyst for change for the betterment of all.

I resolve to get out in the world more and make more heart connections, make more eye contact, and make more love.
I love you already 2018!

I look forward to the experiences you have lined up for me.

I have drafted this sacred geometry map to connect heaven and earth this year.

I connected the quartz crystals with copper wire twisted into the biogemetric form which corrects and balances the energy flow in the spine. Ive ran my thoughts and feelings through the copper wire into the quartz and will continue to release everything that stands between me and source and earth. i am divinity embodied. I am a multi dimensional being here to bridge heaven and earth. I love my life. I love my partner, i love my children, i love my family and my soul tribe. I am eternally grateful for each and every person who has come into my life teaching and showing me who i am.

Christ-Mas / Christ-More

I was invited to my partners parents Christmas celebration, which they typically share with only family. I inadvertently ruined any chance of being invited back by saying that the 2nd coming of Christ would be through us. On one big hand, i feel really bad and cried because im sure i embarrased my partner. On the other hand, i know what i know. Trying to balance it all is not easy. Merry christ-mas. Christ more. I am 1/144,000.

Reality check from my inner child

After a reality check from my inner child on Saturday, who was so pissed at me for not recognizing her divinity, I had an opportunity to connect in with my highest vibrational frequency and in collaboration with source energy and gaia, this came through.

I've been working on what it looks like bridging the highs and lows. The goal being unification of heaven on earth. For me, seeing this on paper, i can now begin to run my energy through this portal. Its been a long time coming and i am so grateful for this amazing tool. I wanted to share even though its not yet complete and is an ever expanding work in progress. Becoming one. Do the work, it hurts, its hard, but its sooo worth it.

I failed as a Twin Flame

I am done. I have been yelled at for the last time last night.
I deserve to be treated like a human.
I deserve to be desired.
I deserve to be wanted.
This cannot continue.

Some call them wrinkles

Some call them wrinkles, some call them past life battle scars, i call them crown placements and holders.

Mount Shasta Full Moon 11/10/17 - Relocating crystal to base of the hill & Meeting the HopEvolve & Adventures in Gaia gang

I went and did something I've never done before. I invited myself to the gifted crystal mine located in Stirling CA and ended up staying with Sarah Elayne and Edward James (people I'd never met before). I slept on their floor on Thursday night. Sarah was not there - she was travelling back from Las Vegas. I spent the night drawing this grid for them. The message that came through was 'For the highest good of all' and 'transformations' The energy coming into their home was soft and sweet.

Waiting for Sarah

The next day we were scheduled to go to the crystal mine, but Sarah was not yet home. David and Allison Hopkins showed up with their two boys and we chatted, ate oatmeal, drank coffee and waited for Sarah. She finally called crying and we ended up cancelling the trip to the mine. David and Allison headed to Shasta and James invited me to go with him to find Sarah on the road. so I could drive their truck back and she could sleep on the way.  It was so cool to reconnect with them - it felt like we had been friends for lifetimes. 

That night after we got back to their house, I drove to Shasta and went to find my crystal that I had buried at the headwaters. It was raining and pretty cold. When I went to where I had buried it, it wasn't there. I was pulling fown horsetails and digging up dirt, frantic that she was gone forever.  I panicked. After much more damage than was necessary had happened, I paused - breathed - connected in up and down and asked for guidance.  Then I remembered that I had pictures of her burial. I pulled them up which helped me locate the correct tree she was under.  I learned a valuable lesson from our mother Gaia - respect. I was not respectful and quite honestly was embarrassed about my behaviour. Fortunately our momma is patient and was grateful that I had learned my lessons. This was my first big grid working project. I was so excited to reconnect with my long lost friend and gather all the information that she had collected on her vacation. I knew I only had the one night as she was requesting to be buried at the base of the hill the next day. I slept with her in the back seat of my car. It was raining and cold and so very much worth it. 

The next day I woke up and went to the headwaters to collect water from the spring. Then met the crew at their hotel. After everyone was up and moving, I took Sarah and James to the headwaters where they chose later to exchange their promise and binding to each other. They are to be wed on August 8th of 2018.

Then, we went to the hill. It was their first time there - and I was fortunate to bless them with the experience. I dialed in and cracked my whip. When i went to open the feminine channel - the lead got more tangled than I have ever experienced. I wasn't able to continue. This was right before Sarah and James got into an argument about his ex-wife. It was super interesting.  

Here she is ~ it looked as if she had shed so much since August 21st.

 Me with my magic whip opening up the channels.

Here's the crazy tangle!

Finally we were done and ready to leave. Everyone was already in the car. James says to me, aren't you going to bury her? Referring to my crystal sitting on my dash. I was like, oh I don't want to hold you guys up, I know you have a binding ceremony this afternoon. They both said, we don't mind waiting. So I headed out in the snow with a pik to find her spot.

At first the place I picked was under a tree to the side of the hill. But as I was getting ready to stick her in the ground, people started coming up. It was divine timing and I ended up pulling her back out and going somewhere a little more private. It freaks me out leaving her by herself. It's almost like a child whom you've raised and who is ready to go off on their own. Her home ended up being in a beautiful grove of trees right at the base of the hill of Mt. Shasta. There was snow and frozen soil I had to dig through. I had to make sure it was deep enough so that when the snow melted, you couldn't see her. I went back once just to make sure that the trampled snow was sufficiently not noticeable to someone who could potentially walk over to her location. I needed to make sure she was safe!

Here she is in her final destination - until spring anyway. I'm hoping to get her higher on the hill. 

My travel partners and I are heading home and burning sage.

Until next time!

Here is the gang - meeting for the first time, again. This lifetime. 

Architecture of the New Earth ~ October 2017

So......this happened. I was drawing drawing drawing all the month of October. As I draw, new information comes through about myself, past life memories and the New Earth that is here now. I am one of the architects. It is my responsibilities to draw these shapes and bring in the new frequency while bringing in light from the center of creation.

The flower of life has been found around the world burned into stone at sacred /power /earth chakras sites and dates as far back as 10,500 years.

Drawing this brings information that is otherwise unattainable and equally unexplainable, but ill try.

This shape depicts the beginning of creation, when the first cells begin to split and our human form begins. The circles reflect the feminine, receptive aspect we each carry. When you connect the centers of the circles with the straight lines this brings forth the active masculine aspect we also each carry. It is imperative that these qualities are balanced within us in order to live fully in harmony within ourselves and with each other.
I choose to live in the balanced world here now.
I choose this frequency.
I choose to channel (receive/feminine) this information into the physical plane and onto paper. I know it is a 2d version of what it truly is but its a start.
I choose to actively (masculine)share this information with all who are ready to receive.
I see you.
I love you.
Thank you for being my mirror.

This one is going to my parents

This one will be hung in my home for future mapping references

This one will be sent to Alex. 

This is another one being hung in my home. The first of many multiple flowers on one poster board.

This one was drawn while holding the thought of Seth and I in our whole and complete union. 

These are some of the pieces that I created for the HopeEvolve auction

The following pieces were created for friends looking for guidance.

One of my most favorites and the beginning of the multiple flower maps that are beginning to come through

Baileys 8th birthday present. 

Ancestral reading

This Ancestral reading came through from Nate Hanschen for my 39th birthday today. 

These are the elements that were cast. Nate said it was the most that has ever come out.

See the red pyramid stone in the middle? He said he has never cast it in over twenty years that he has been using this gift.

Here's the description of everything:

Theme of the divination: Space, Balance, Needs, and Wants, and learning to do what they were not taught by their parents as Relationship Skills. (both have done their best with using what worked in the past, but those relationships ended because what is needed for a Lasting Relationship is a Divinely-supported structure based on their individual gifts and calling.) Is the relationship ending or will both people give birth to it (since there is not a child they created together and can reference to each other through, what is bonding them together in that space? Each person will create a Needs and Wants list in 24 hours, be completely honest about it, share it with the other, and keep it for future assistance.

Vine: Don’t be a parasite, stand on your own feet and learn what your own strength is. It is different than holding onto the tree. Learn to draw on this new kind of strength, it will be needed for new situations and growth. The vine can be quadrupled back on itself and woven to make a strong rope, but the rope needs space to show its strength to grow taut! Seth said that space depends on the definition: Nicole wants less space and misses Seth, Seth is tired and has to work nights. Neither shares the same space with each other and the current structure of work and schedule is reinforcing the lack of balance by different spaces. Nicole said she would try to give Seth all the space he needs and Seth acknowledges that he heard Nicole saying how much she missed intimacy, but that his sex drive is absent. He is missing something inside (see Obsidian shard) and Nicole will try to give him the space for that to return and heard that it is his issue, not hers. A rough paradox that the Ancestors honor but want to help resolve.

Ammonite: Get rid of unneeded belongings, it is baggage blocking new manifestation. Even if it’s in a different form, perhaps computer files, cd’s, anything that has been outgrown and is not helping the family needs to go.

Red pyramid stone: Time for Ascension is now, this life, it’s already happening. This homework will help get to that next level in life, you don’t have to wait for future lives to do what you really want to do.

Quarter: Since neither of you had good role models in money management, you can give birth to this skill and grow together as a team in it. Do not fight over it or compete, this is an area of great communication and balance if you allow it. Nicole mentioned not making as much money as Seth and this being an imbalance, it encouraged that she be in charge of starting a savings account. Track and honestly follow what the monthly expenditures are, without judging. Then create a budget. Then set monthly goals. Last step is to look for waste and increase the definition of what waste can be- this is a mirror of what the Ancestors show to be romantic wasted potential in the heart. Eliminate waste in the home and look for ways where opportunities for love were wasted.

Garnet: Overindulgence. Nicole over indulges her propensity to get impatient, Seth needs to cut back a bit on alcohol and use that time and energy for others. If he wants to take care of himself, nourish himself in a way that promotes his growth and future in the family, he can work with plants (see Obsidian shard.)

Key: Homelessness and the energy of the home. Right away Seth said he would stay, Nicole said maybe, maybe not but when pressed by the Ancestors realized it had nothing to do with the house, it was her angry at Seth clouding over into every issue. That is the game she has to stop playing with herself (see Coyote piece.) The home has too much anger, it needs to be saged and cleansed because the kids also pick up on that energy. The house also needs plants that Seth will tend (see Obsidian shard) and also needs to be cleaned out (see Ammonite)

Coyote: What game are you playing? Nicole will work to look at all of the ways she is angry and projecting that into other areas. Nicole was honest about wanting a child with Seth and still having unresolved feelings after Seth and her talked in the past and will clear that. She will try to channel her anger productively (it’s hard to have sex with someone who is angry at you!) Seth’s game is being too complacent with how things are and for blurring the line between comfort/contentment and not taking initiative in the relationship. Nicole was crying and stated she feels Seth doesn’t listen sometimes and things move ahead when she is unsatisfied. He will use his management initiative not only at work but also at home and not wait for Nicole to get angry before communicating and responding to a problem he sees. Both will use their Needs and Wants list honestly and fairly, and compromise to make the relationship enjoyable, rewarding, and what they wanted it to be. Or they will keep playing games and the relationship will end. The seeds of growth are too powerful to be ignored, if both people do not take ownership of what the Ancestors are pointing out and work on it, their higher selves will push each other away permanently in an attempt to finally change themselves since they won’t be distracted by another person. However, it is easier to change when you have someone else’s support who loves, understands, and believes in you, so remember what you saw in each other and why the Ancestors answered the call to help. Both persons said aloud that they loved each other and wanted only the other to be with romantically in their life.

Otter: Learn to make difficult changes rewarding, literally turn them into a positive game. Play this game instead of the wrong games (see Coyote) and learn to play together! Play in sex, play in money management teamwork, play in parenting, play in making the home changes. Most importantly, play with the Wants and Needs instead of making it a power struggle. Fun has been missing for too long! You are both hard working and need to honor yourselves and each other for that through bringing in more fun in the everyday, mundane tasks. Get silly, or get old prematurely. Easy choice!

Obsidian Shard: Remember an ancient skill of working with one’s hands. Seth enjoys working with plants and will get into horticulture to feed his creativity, recharge his batteries, and Nicole will give him the space to do it and let him have this as an uninterrupted (see space) hobby. The sacral (sex) chakra is also about creativity and for Seth to resolve issues within himself about his sex drive, he needs a practice where something gives and does not take from him. Seth must do this horticulture if he really wants to change the patterns that are forcing them apart, he needs to receive simple energy one-way so that he can spend time with inner dialogue and listen more closely to the Grandfathers (see Green stone)

Green Stone: Magic of the Grandfathers. Neither person has strong elder or parental support going forward, and this is also unbalancing the home and each other. Men cannot really understand in their own soul what a woman goes through, the same way women cannot understand in their own soul what men go through. Seth needs elder male strength and support, and by gardening he will be able to tune into that kind of strength if he is open in his spirituality and trusts that the Ancestors are not only concerned with him, but also his family.

Small Stone: By gardening and listening to the Grandfathers in his inner dialogue of having a quiet hobby time, Seth will develop a more attuned way of seeing things that is different. His third eye (think of basic emotional 6th sense) will develop and be aware of other’s having a difficulty before they speak up. This will help the relationship, which requires initiative and not waiting until the problem is too big to correct. This is not an area Seth feels comfortable with or is drawn to on his own but nevertheless it is a seed growing in his life and it needs direct attention and work on his part. It will help in all areas of his life.

Yggdrasil coin (flipped over) says release the dead. Nicole already mentioned about wanting a child with Seth, and the spirit of the child that came through said that she didn’t need to stay here to do her job, it was to bring the both of them together and that they individually were in different places regarding having another child and for that to be honored. Yes, they could have forced having another child to work short-term but it would not have necessarily strengthened the relationship, what is called for instead is the commitment to re-couple and learn what is needed now in that void between them. If they decide to stay together, the opportunity for the most awesome kind of relationship is possible through this very clear game-plan (see Otter!) that the Ancestors laid out.

White cowrie shell: You will heal! Help has already gathered (this game-plan) all around you and your body is designed to heal invisibly. You don’t have to ask, “will I be healed?” just do this homework.

Purple stone: Allies/spiritual work you have been drawn to but afraid of. Both books and the Akashic Records came up. Ancestors advised being careful with the Akashic records and starting with books first. Only ask for the Akashic Records that are appropriate to see, don’t snoop or spy on others, that is a violation. With great power comes great responsibility.

Remember you can always ask the Ancestors for guidance over any issue. You may not like the answer right away but they go to the root of the issue and want to give the most lasting help, not something short term or confusing.

Total Eclipse - August 21st 2017

Going to try to break down this eclipse experience as quickly as possible. Chasing the light my friends ~ we are in for a treat!

1. Left the house with all my supplies

2.Arrived at the campsite

3. Skinny dipped under the stars with strangers

4. Rented a boat and miraculously found uninterrupted slivers of heaven in the lake which we spent hours swimming and fishing in.

5. Inspiration to hoop in my tetrahedron caught the attention of 13 extra kids.

6. When one saw me whipping my magic whip the day before and asked me about it right then I was gifted an impromptu opportunity to teach children how to work with their energy body. They were all standing around listening to how to work with your energy body. When i was done, one little boy about 5 years old asked "can we leave now" and I said "any time sweetheart" he came up to me and held my hand. Bailey was blown away and told me that was amazing and how it should be.

7.Seth caught his first fish and hurt himself running back to the site to tell us. #HeIsCute

8. Bailey met a friend at the playground and ended up exchanging crystals with her on the last day (seriously who does that?)

9. Bailey walked up to within 3 feet of a deer. I'm showing her how to connect to other beings through her heart.#SheTeachesMe

10. With baileys help, i buried and left one of my favorite crystals which i have worked with for almost 20 years at the headwaters in mount shasta.

11. Swam under the stars with the whole gang and then more with just us girls - last night

12. More energy work and connecting to my light tribe this morning

13. Made it to the lake for the start and stayed in the water for most of the eclipse. It got cold at peak, and gray outside. I had to get out and sit on the ground because I felt like I might get sick trying to process all of it in the water, or drown. #ThankgodForSolidEarth

14. Ashton reminds me to crack my whip right after the peak - which was exactly what I (we) needed.

15. I connect to source, to the earth, to the future and the past, to the masculine and feminine aspects in each of us. At the moment of each crack I bring in sacred geometries flowing through me. At this point I'm dizzy and barely able to stand. It was a LOT of energy. But I did it. There are people around and when I'm done, they ask me why. And I tell them how we as a planet are moving into a higher frequency and how Im here to help and give them information on how they can help by watching their choices in each moment and choosing the highest vibration possible right then #WeAreinThisTogether

16. While returning the life jackets at the marina, I was gifted an opportunity to be christ conscious with a stranger who fell in front of me and cut her foot open. I cleaned it, neosporinned it, and bandaged it up.

17. On the way out, at a gas station, I meet 2 horses on their way to transition from this world and am gifted with an opportunity to connect them to source. One was filled with cancer, and ready. The other was 2 years younger than I and not ready. I connected him with an old friend who he loved in his younger years who will meet him on the other side. #Blessed

18. I saw my lover with new eyes, again.#IKindaDigHim

19. I am still buzzing.

#StartedAtTheBottomNowWeAreHere

#ThemeSong

#HolyOakWhipsAreTheBest

#TwinflamesRockTheHouse

#ThesenewkidsareaBIGdeal

The love of my soul

New Earth FAST Approaching

I feel like I'm a confetti toy being pulled from both ends and about ready to burst through. We leave for Mount Shasta tomorrow. Camping at Antlers campground. I will keep you posted.

Muah!

Colton's 20th Birth Story

What in the WHAT?!

My little boy turned 20 at 7:08 MST this morning! I can't believe it. He is so magical - beyond anything that he even realizes. My master manifestor child.

Last week he called me really upset about his current situation, asking that I buy him a house that he can live in and pay the mortgage, but it would still be my house. I'm like, no. The next house I buy it's going to actually be my house. I'll do what I can, but I know I can't bail him out in the way that he was asking. The system is not established in a way that supports our highest good or even minimum needs. This is why we must be vigilant in our watching our thoughts, feelings and actions each second to connect with the highest timeline available at any given moment.

How I am able to assist is energetically via quantum physics, sacred geometries, unconditional love, clearing karmic contracts, dark energies etc. I've been doing this all through the weekend.

This morning was a special session. I sat on the floor and as a healing gift for both he and I, did my work. I pulled up the day we went to the hospital 20 years ago and could see all the trauma surrounding his birth and delivery.  Without going into details, because that's a story I requested be re-written, I asked that we both be gifted with a higher perspective of the events surrounding his birth. I asked that all trauma be healed, all stories be broadcast and viewed from a higher perspective. And so, it began.

As I watched the doctor come into my room, I asked that he and my mom be connected to source and grounded into the earth, filling up with both energies. I watched as the discordant energies and demonic forces that were surrounding my doctor that day be bound, transformed and reconnected back to the creator.

Moments later, I watched as I was wheeled into the operating room. Angels surrounding Colton and I, the nurses and doctor. High beings coached the doctor in precision cutting open of my womb, with loving kindness and an open heart.

I was guided back to my body in this here and now and felt movement in my uterus and the pain that I've carried there all these 20 years. A surrendering took place as I felt the pain reach up to the creator and reconnect with the center of all that is.

Back in the operating room my body and baby are transforming.  I watched as my baby filled up with creator energy unconditional love and light as he transitioned out of the comfortable energy of his mothers womb and into the bright lights of the earth dimension. When the doctor announces to the room "It's a boy" my eyes filled with happy excited joyous tears and my heart felt immense love immediately.

From above the room I watch all the nurses carefully and gently holding my baby boy and seeing to it that he was safe and loved. I see his fathers peaceful and gentle eyes watching everything and holding my hand through it all. I watch as his angels too bring him comfort and his body fills up with Christ light and energy guiding him in being the man that he is still in the process of becoming.

I watch as unconditional love, protection, and angelic beings fill the parts of me that are scared and terrified of what was happening as the doctor continues to stitch up my open body.

I watch as my baby boys angels continue to watch over him filling him with creator energy and surrounding him with protection. Ensuring that all who handle him handle him with care and grace as they placed him in his fathers arms for the first time.

The flower of life fills the room connecting each and every being in the room and a golden pink light fills every corner of the flower of every being physical and not.

This was a wonderful, joyful, peaceful experience for all of us.

As my baby boy is placed in my arms a calmness beyond anything I've ever felt fills the entire room. He looks up at me and I swear I see him smile. I am here he whispers to me through his energy body. I am here. Are you ready for this mom? Just wait to see what our future lays out for us. Just wait for the next twenty years. Just wait for the next forty. We are here, finally in human form as mutli -dimensional beings.

And so, the process begins of remembering who we truly are.

Thank you thank you thank you. It is so. It is now.

Family Time

I wanted to quickly share some pictures of my summertime adventures with family.

Solstice Grid Work + Camping with my star family

Hello hello hello! And welcome through the doorway and into the eclipse energies fast approaching on August 21st.

Last week we escaped into the undisturbed energies of Limekiln State Park where no electromagnetic waves are allowed.

The night of solstice, the kids and I performed grid work at the beach there. We brought with us stones we had selected and worked with beforehand. Ashton buried his in the sands. Bailey gave hers to a group of girls camping there - explaining that it was intended to connect with the grid above and below. My stone found it's way into the creek after playing with me throughout the week.

Bailey demonstrating a treasure from the seas as a crown.


I had a wonderful time with Seth. It's been a long time since I've been camping with another adult who is so helpful. Here we all are hiking out of the LimeKilns.

After Limekiln, we headed 5 hours south to meet up with Colton, Nikki & their friend Brad who just happened to be there for a Vidcon convention. Always perfect timing.


I also got to meet Seth's sister, Annette, who was adopted at birth and who found her long lost family only 2 years ago.


She looks just like Seth's sister, Ally, who we stayed with that night. I didn't get a pic though:(

Here we are at Venice Beach. It was soooo much fun getting thrashed by the waves at this Beach. I'm soaking wet here and out of breath but I think it looks pretty good on me.
 

Seth's daughter, Madison, had surgery on Monday following our return. It has brought up so many emotions for me that I am trying to process. He wanted me to touch and get close to her and it's hard. She has no consciousness of me - it does not matter to her that I am there - there is no quality of life there. It's really really hard for me to accept and part of me is so angry about it and I think I always will be.

I realize now why Seth rarely wants to make love with me. It is breaking my heart and I cry when I think about it. I try to keep myself busy with work and look at the upset when I can. Really really really trying to ground it into the earth and connect to source when I do look at it. I can feel that I block the light around this issue. It feels like a bubble around us. I know I can get through it, and I don't want to involve Seth with it. He's already been through so much.

I need to figure out how to move through not having sex with a man that I'm in love with. How do you do that? How does that work? I'm asking the highest vibrational beings to guide me through this as I connect more fully with my very own highest vibrational frequency. I love you, Nicole. I know it's hard. I know how hard it is for you. It is not what it appears. You are in full complete union at the highest vibration. Know this. And Connect.

Mothers Day Gift & Power of Thoughts

Sunday was Mothers Day. I had such a hard time that day. Being away from Colton and Alex is not easy when it's the 'celebration of moms' day. What kind of mom abandons their own children to take care of someone else's child who is often too busy working or sleeping to be with you?

I will tell you who....

It's someone who has this vision in her head of the way she sees her true self. She is constantly laughing, voluptuous, abundant in every area of her life. Enjoying every second. It's HER that keeps the fire under my ass, who is determined to show her children that life is soooo much more than what we are conditioned,or born into, "believing" life is.

I found this letter from Bailey yesterday on the passenger seat next to me. Bailey had given it to me on Friday but I was driving and couldn't read it. Somehow it came back to me right at the perfect moment when I needed it the most.



This is the best mothers day present I've ever received. Yes, I will always be there to support all goals that my children have. She needed $0.10 to reach her goal of $100. Such an accomplishment - I'll give her the extra .1% that she needs to reach that goal. Hell YES I will!

And YES ~ thoughts are extremely powerful. "We created a house on a hill, by a creek, with gorgeous views, two stories, and huge windows - with our MINDS!"

The truth is....
Thoughts become Feelings
Feelings become Words
Words become Action
Action becomes Habit
Habit becomes your Reality

Even though I do teach my children this, and I know how TRUE this is, it's still so easy to forget to practice this in every single moment. Thoughts are so flittery fluttery. If I could only master this one aspect of the human experience, it would (aka WILL) be amazing.

Alright, I'm not there quite yet. But bring it on 3D.

We have aligned with our Home - and Mercury Retrograde begins

In yesterdays post I made mention that we found it. It ticks all the boxes + a community pool.

The day before we found it - when I looked to see if there were any blocks - everything looked perfectly clear. Between Seth and I, the house, and the kids - all clear and it felt like life and color had entered the party.

The morning we found out, Wednesday 4/5, the realtor texted Seth some questions about his credit and then congratulated him on saving a family and their pets from a burning house in 2002.

I remember Seth coming over to my house that day in 2002 when I lived at 1407 boulevard way in Walnut Creek. I totally didn't believe him and laughed at him. Who knew that day 15 years ago would come back to us now. Of course it did.

We are total magic bunnies together. Like I said, when we are on - it's game freaking on.

It was either, we get our home - or - I go to Spain for a blueprint activation on May 6th.

I explained that Mercury retrograde begins April 9th (today) and that no new contracts until it ends on May 3rd.

I knew that I can participate in the blueprint activation from here - but ONLY if we had space to do it (which living in Mike's house we do not have). What I didn't "know-know" was whether or not I was going to go - like I told Seth, I'll travel to wherever I have to go to get to my people. I'll travel through galaxies - whatever it takes to do what I came here to do. I'm not wasting any more of my precious earth time waiting for anybody else to get their shit together. I'm ready to roll!

Well, after that conversation we got on track pretty damn fast. We did it. We signed the contract April 5th - just in time. We move in on the next New Moon, April 26th.

Here's our home!

Continuing to align - clearing out the basement

After many great and sometimes difficult conversations with Seth + a noticeable shift in him, I chose to proceed with this path with him. When we are on, it's on. In the same breath, when we get derailed, it happens fast and furious. It makes me apprehensive while also, I know that we need to allow ourselves the opportunity to grow as a couple, without me freaking out and running away. Without him freaking out and burning shit to the ground. Seth is important to me, and he has been on my mind for the entire length of my life since I met him. I want to give this a chance while at the same time being careful not to sacrifice the aspects of me that I have discovered and adore.

So, in light of moving forward - we proceeded with the credit check on the day before his birthday. It turns out that he got approved for $2500 rent payment even without any credit. And I have a credit score of 706! Of course we were excited and he was noticeably relieved. I wondered if this wasn't the bulk of his stress.

On Monday of this week the kids and I went on a bike ride to Burger King. When we got home, Mike asked us to put our bikes in the side yard, which of course is full of nails, and his energy was all out of wack. I was immediately chagrined and started pulling up houses to look at. I found a place posted on CraigsList who's titled showed "Townhouse in Meadow like setting" I pulled it up and knew instantly that we had to go look at it.

OMG I'm sitting here typing and just now realized that on the morning that I found the house, we had sex. Seth came, I did not. The sex was great, but because I haven't cum with him in about 2 months - I was pissed, sad. I went out and sat on the earth - which felt phenomenal - and cried and got over it. Then I worked all day. The night before we had a phenomenal conversation outside and loved loved loved on each other.

I'm not feeling great about myself right now. What is my problem?

The house is so great! I need to move in like now. I need to get my head in the game and leave all the lower emotions and vibrations behind when we enter our new home.

I have fluctuating emotions and feelings. The biggest one happening lately is my worth or rather the lack thereof. It's not right. I go way down and way out of reality. The difference now is, that when this happens, I have been remembering to bring in light. Recognizing it as an opportunity for healing those aspects of myself.

Later....
I just went back to the bedroom, worked with my crystal. Then told him I need to have sex with him. We did. I came. But holy freaking hell ~ getting to the point where I allowed the release and the letting go of feeling like I am unattractive, unloved, unwanted - to saying what I need, and allowing him to give it to me. Alright - there you go, the joys of going down - cleaning out the left over gunk from many lifetimes - and bringing St. Germaines purple flame to clear out the shame - so that I can continue and get to the life that I know exists in a parallel universe for me.

Cross Roads

I'm at a cross roads. Do we move in with the twin or do we go to Spain and deal with the possibility of a blow out drag out fight with him.. Maybe this wouldnt happen, but with the way he's been acting recently, I would not in any way be surprised if this happened. LOL..Is it possible that I could have both? Do I want to take this leap forward?

I know for a fact that I want what I want. I'm not being stubborn, I'm being decisive.

Not only that - I deserve the things that I want.

I am worthy of the things that I desire.

What is it that I want, you ask?

I want love, I want to feeeeel love, be love, emanate love (I have recently adopted the practice of looking at myself in the mirror and telling myself how in love I am with me - just so that when it does come back to me, I'll know how it feels to love me).

I want great fantastic sex - and great big orgasms in the wake of the aforementioned love (again, practicing this lately, with myself. My twin is often too tired after working all day).

I want to look out of my kitchen, living room, and bedroom windows and see my mother earth in all her glory (kind of like how I look at myself in all my glory and beauty).

I want access to her abundant land so that I can walk, bike, hike, and in-joy her (similar to how I want to be in-joyed).

I want abundance to flow through me naturally and with ease (similar to how I flow through life's changes).

Bailey envisions a house like ours in Moab by a creek, on a hill, with views out the windows. I can't imagine her not lining up with this. She is such a mother earth lover that I know beyond all doubt that the universe and our planet will give her everything that she desires.

Is it here?

Mourning Something and Going Deep

Starting the night before last, I've been really emotional. No it's not my 'time of month' that's still a week and a half out. I can't pin point what the matter is, exactly. Maybe I don't want to dive fully into it. Maybe I'm lonely ~ which is what I told Seth this morning. Maybe I'm giving up. Maybe I'm frustrated that I'm in the same kind of situation I was in before I stepped into my power and moved out of my marriage and home with Shanon. Except now I live with a roommate who is also a heavy drinker. This is not what I envisioned for my future, with my daughter. I see us having more.

Another part of me also hurts for Ashton, if I were to choose a different path for Bailey and I, and I'm bitter about it. I left Alex - that was very very hard ~ it makes me cry thinking about it and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't like that I feel helpless about it. I don't like that I left Alex in an environment that I feel he shouldn't be in. I also know that this is his path, and the creator decides what's the way to go.

Why am I struggling so hard?!

Bailey is beautiful and strong and loving and does everything good and right. Ashton frustrates her and stops her from singing and gets mad when she wants to draw and gets mad when she wants to be herself. I constantly encourage her to be herself anyway. It reminds me of my relationship with Seth. He gets angry when I talk about the things that I love, or he shuts down and "uh-huh's" me.

Now to re-route the energy since it's out.

I see us happy and laughing grateful for all the hard work we put in to get there. Oh SHIT!! I can't even visualize that or type anything right now.

Venus and Jupiter in Retrograde + More to Come

I just realized that Venus has been in retrograde (in Aries by the way - Seth is an Aries) since March 4th. Ending on April 15th. This affects relationships and can sometimes make you want to bounce, kind of like me this last week while Seth was throwing his fits. This retrograde happens once every 19 months and lasts for 6 weeks.

Jupiter has been in retrograde since Feb 6th ending on June 9th! Did you know it takes 12 years for this giant beast to orbit the sun?! This retrograde occurs once every 13 months and lasts 4 months. It relates to dealing with particular issues involving growth and development, happiness and success. Make sure that the things you are working on really are in line with the highest good. Otherwise when it goes direct in June, you may be disappointed with the results.

Mercury goes retro on April 9th - May 3rd. It takes 88 days for Mercury to orbit the sun. Retros with this planet happen 3 - 4 times a year.  No new contracts during this period - which unfortunately means no new house for me during this time.

Saturn goes retro on April 6th - August 25th.  (Which by August there will be ANOTHER Mercury Retrograde going on too). When this planet goes retrograde it relates to Karma coming up. If you've been good - that's a gooooood thing. This planet goes into retro every 12 months and lasts 4 1/2 months.

Four planets retrograding. That should be exciting.

Last year there were 5, right at the time that I was being laid off from the Moab Umtra Project and deciding whether or not I should move to California.

Being a frequency holder and a magic weaver

It is imperative that I keep my frequency stable during these times of great change. I am a frequency keeper and a magic weaver. Weaving magic into every day life while also holding the frequency of unconditional love.

I have terminated all things that lower my frequency including drinking, smoking, being around people who lower my energy field.

I have also introduced Yoga into my life and am outside much more than I have been in the winter months. I have integrated the power of calling myself back, and wrapping a golden string of light around my energy field during my meditations so that it forms a crust of protection around me when I am around fluctuating energies.

Why? Because it was getting worse. Every time I lowered my frequency, it wasn't fun any more. It got to the point where I didn't want to anymore.  How did I quit these things you ask? I asked for my twelve strands of dna to be reconnected - and then I watched as the change took place within my cells.

Seth can't stand it when I talk about this stuff. It's interesting because Seth feels this and takes it as me attacking him. He mantras 'you don't change me, I don't change you' over and over again its this phrase that has become so thick in his vocabulary that it means nothing any more and has lost all context. What I don't think he understands is that I have changed and because we are twin flames, he feels this as himself changing and feels completely threatened.  I have not done any work with him at the physical level. I ask if I can practice and he is so far against it and says no.

He told me that he is feeling like nothing about him matters and that it's all about me, I don't understand where this is coming from at all. I don't understand how what I do, who I am, eliminates who he is in any way. This is ME ~ and I like me, so I'm going to talk the way I want to talk and do the things I do. I am not in hiding anymore for fear of what people think about me. What other people think about me has nothing to do with who I am. 

If ultimately this furious energetic coming from him leads to a separation because he can't stand it, well then our mission will have failed and our incarnation pointless. Separation is not an option here.

I play with fun and laughter. Well, I feel like I do this, but I could certainly do better as this is not reflected in the space around me when Seth is home lately.

As Below, So Above

It's come to my awareness that although he loves me and mostly in the way I need to be loved, he doesn't really like me. Like the core of who I am. At least not publicly - maybe in private. It feels like he's embarrassed or ashamed or I don't know what. When I talk about my real work - his eyes get droopy or he gets mad. He doesn't like talking about the possibilities of 5th dimensional reality. He knows I have my blogs, but never asks me about it.

I know it seems silly to some people that I would be upset about something so 'stupid' as liking a post on Facebook. But the fact is, I moved out here and let go of everything and everyone I knew and loved to be here, and do this with him. Because I believed in me and I believed in him. Those people who I left - those beings I LOVE and who love me too, are watching his reactions to my posts and they are falling off one by one. It hurts my heart to know that he does not support my visions. He thinks I'm delusional.

Here's the truth. I am going through a transformation - it's taking much longer than I had hoped - these changes that I seek outside of myself have to come from within me. They are not going to happen "out there" until they happen "in here". As I write this, my heart is in pain. Not my physical heart - but the energy center right in the middle of my chest.


Yesterday morning, the morning after I allowed my vibration to lower to depths that I am no longer comfortable with exploring because they bore me, I placed my beautiful huge healing crystal on my chest because it hurt. I was bringing in the light from source. All the way up past our Earth sun into the center of creation - right from the center - when I realized that I had another source of unconditional love that I haven't fully tapped into yet. Our Earth.

It was such a humbling experience to realize that I had missed this along the way. I mean, yes - I do send my grounding chord down daily, and yes I do bring her sweet energy in and integrate her with the cosmic energy from above - but not in the way that I accepted it yesterday morning. She came in so strong and the channels opened wide and I allowed it to flow into my heart center and stay in me - not going anywhere else until I fully allowed me to integrate it in every cell of my being. I get to keep it here if I want to. I've done the work, me. I don't think that's selfish. I keep channeling it through my body inside, then out. But the fact of the matter is, I can't do that until it's fully integrated in me. I just got a woosh of information. Writing rocks the house.

This integration felt so wonderfully smooth and sweet and I wanted to cry with how kind and lovery I felt in that moment. I could have stayed there the rest of the day and made sweet love to myself over and over again. I am so glad I sat here and got this out because I feel sooo much better than I did thirty minutes ago. #Win

Manifesting Home

With all my excitement, I found a place, by a creek, direct access to a walking trail, that does not look into the neighbors houses, and in fact has a view, AND that was WITHIN our price range! What?!  The kids and Seth and I all went to check it out on Saturday. The layout, size, location, quality was perfect - beyond perfect. We all fell in love. The problem, we didn't have the down payment or first month rent, yet. We were just 'looking'. It actually had more than I thought was possible, and more than we were asking for (with the exception that it was not on a hill per Bai).

We are about 2 months out from having enough to move into our own place and I'm telling you, I personally could not be more excited to get out of the roommate situation. As much as I love Mike, I want to raise my kids (and to be perfectly honest, myself) in an environment of MY making, nobody elses. I think that's a fair request.

Working on the 'worth' and 'deserving' aspects for Seth and I and making sure they are up to par with what we have done for the planet, for ourselves. We have really kicked this dimensions ass in my opinion with being on service for the highest good of all involved. Except for maybe our own selves at times. It's okay, we are a work in progress and I am soooo excited for the end result. The fruits of our labor. There is no possible way that with all the work that I do filling up our bodies with unconditional love that we won't get into a place that is fully 100% comfortable for all of us to reside. I have absolute confidence that the home is out there - and we will find it. It's all frequency after all. That's all it is. Simple Simon.

He did it!

He did it! I couldn't be more relieved or proud. Shanon finished the garage yesterday. 

I look forward to the day when I get to see it in real life. This has been a thorn in my side since the moment I was making the decision to leave my marriage. I didn't want to leave with it unfinished because I thought that he wouldn't finish it. But he did! Thank you god for being there and helping him see it through. In all my years I was with Shanon, he never finished a project but changed open project often. This was terribly frustrating for me and I couldn't handle it. Thank you God!!

And most important, thank YOU Shanon! You did it!

Finding a new place to call HOME

Another era is coming to an end.

We are looking to move out of the house I moved into with Seth last August. Bailey and I have a vision of finding a house with a view, close to a creek. Seth seems apprehensive.

We need 3 bedrooms, big windows, and a view. I would love quartz countertops (of course I would!).

That's what I command.

I don't know when or how we are going to be able to afford it but I'm continuing to see myself in it. Dancing and laughing in the kitchen with the kids. Hanging my crystal tetrahedron in the window, making my alters with my sacred geometries and doing my energy work. I see it, I feel it, I love it. I go there often.

I know we are in the process of manifesting everything that we desire. I know we are. I feel it in every cell in my being.

I love you all ~ I am so flipping excited.

Being Un-Wanted

Through intense and fast work with Twin Flame Healers, Jill & Remi, on Wednesday - I asked them how I can be so ecstatic and ready to assist in this planetary transition and still be stuck in my house.

It was discovered that I was a deeply unwanted pregnancy. I was not wanted at all. By either parent. This makes so much sense to me. From the outside, I was the sixth child in a difficult marriage. My mom had two 'miscarriages' between my sister Stephanie (7 years older than I) and me. I am guessing both of these pregnancies were me and I could not handle the feelings of being unwanted and therefore, I left. It took me that long to muster enough courage to make it through the 9 months of womb creation. And I made it, with the chord wrapped around my neck, the doctors had to cut my moms favorite nightgown (I've been told) in order to get me out alive.

My entire life I have walked around feeling this un-wanted, un-loved energy And have continued to manifest it in my every day life - unconscious to the why it was happening.

Fortunately, I also carry the unconscious knowing that I am a part of the creators un-conditional love. It is now completely conscious that I am un-conditional love as is every being, plant and animal on the planet (and every one in the creation that we may not perceive with our eyes).

With this unconscious energetic being brought forth to be transformed back into light, I have created a template for others who carry this frequency t transform theirs too.

This is why I have been placed in the vicinity of star beings who are also here to transform the planet.

Aka Colton; Colton was also an unwanted pregnancy at first - I was terrified - and was probably terrified because I unconsciously carried the frequency that was given to me during those formative cellular splits. Colton was my rock ensuring that I didn't get lost in the abyss. He is more magical that he realizes.

Aka Alex: Alex came here to help Shanon. He had to find and go through two women who were potential options. One aborted him, so he found one that was asleep enough not to notice he was there. But the mother who carried him did not really matter because he and I had an agreement that I would meet up with him when he needed me the most. I accepted the gift of being his mom, to be there to be the reminder and encourager for him to be and do what he came here to do. And he is doing it.

Aka Ashton: Ashton and Bailey were supposed to meet. They have a connection that I have never seen in children. Not like this. Ashton's mother bounced, he was alone in the world passed from house to house for 9 months. Once Seth found out, he did everything to get him and make sure he knew he was wanted and loved. And it shows. However, there is still that seed memory that I had to transform inside myself in order to provide him with the path to move through it.

How fun is this ride!

Woops ~ I just remembered who I AM

This last weekend, something shifted. I became whole inside my body and completely merged with all aspects of myself. I remembered who I was and truly who I am. By golly ~ I am in love. Fully completely. And it feels GOOOD!

The Ascension is happening at an accelerated pace. But guess what - I'm not running. I'm going with the ebb and flow of it. Enjoy, En Joy, In Joy. How truly liberating this is to lift the veil and make the connection with the creation of all that is as well as with our Earth Mother, Terra, who is also experiencing these changes. It makes me smile so big and laugh at the wonder and magic of all of this. We did this - every human, animal, plant in this dimension. It is glorious.

Check out pendymagic.blogspot.com for guidance on your path. 

Namaste

Wait, what just happened?!

Wow - December 2016. What a roller coaster of emotions. 

Seth warned me, he tried to anyway. I haven't seen him for a while.

On December 16th the kids and I drove back to Utah. 28 hours total driving time in the car. On the way there we hit a blizzard in Truckee. No chains. My knuckles were white from holding the steering wheel so tight, and the kids were laughing hysterically in the back seat. They were wonderful. How did I ever get so lucky. 

We rolled in to Stephanie's at 4 am. She was up waiting for us. First time Ashton had ever seen snow and he was happy to play in it right then. But, we had to go to sleep...

The next day we made our way to Heather's house and relaxed for the evening. I was beat up from the drive and needed to chill. 

Sunday, Shanon was scheduled to come up with Alex and his new gf to pick up Bai and take her back down to Moab. his gf didnt make it because something happened between them the night before. I got to spend time with my little Alex, who somehow is not so little anymore. My parents and my other sister Gay came over and spent the evening with us, discussing everything that we could in the short period of time that we have together. 

The next day, Monday, we made our way to Moab. Another 3 hour drive. I spent the next three days with Colton and Nikki in their cute little home. He made me breakfast, rearranged his work schedule to hang out with me, and made dinner too. What a sweet kid he is. Alex stayed with us at Coltons. We got to play this fun video game together - and I'm not one for video games, so that was interesting.