Continuing to align - clearing out the basement

After many great and sometimes difficult conversations with Seth + a noticeable shift in him, I chose to proceed with this path with him. When we are on, it's on. In the same breath, when we get derailed, it happens fast and furious. It makes me apprehensive while also, I know that we need to allow ourselves the opportunity to grow as a couple, without me freaking out and running away. Without him freaking out and burning shit to the ground. Seth is important to me, and he has been on my mind for the entire length of my life since I met him. I want to give this a chance while at the same time being careful not to sacrifice the aspects of me that I have discovered and adore.

So, in light of moving forward - we proceeded with the credit check on the day before his birthday. It turns out that he got approved for $2500 rent payment even without any credit. And I have a credit score of 706! Of course we were excited and he was noticeably relieved. I wondered if this wasn't the bulk of his stress.

On Monday of this week the kids and I went on a bike ride to Burger King. When we got home, Mike asked us to put our bikes in the side yard, which of course is full of nails, and his energy was all out of wack. I was immediately chagrined and started pulling up houses to look at. I found a place posted on CraigsList who's titled showed "Townhouse in Meadow like setting" I pulled it up and knew instantly that we had to go look at it.

OMG I'm sitting here typing and just now realized that on the morning that I found the house, we had sex. Seth came, I did not. The sex was great, but because I haven't cum with him in about 2 months - I was pissed, sad. I went out and sat on the earth - which felt phenomenal - and cried and got over it. Then I worked all day. The night before we had a phenomenal conversation outside and loved loved loved on each other.

I'm not feeling great about myself right now. What is my problem?

The house is so great! I need to move in like now. I need to get my head in the game and leave all the lower emotions and vibrations behind when we enter our new home.

I have fluctuating emotions and feelings. The biggest one happening lately is my worth or rather the lack thereof. It's not right. I go way down and way out of reality. The difference now is, that when this happens, I have been remembering to bring in light. Recognizing it as an opportunity for healing those aspects of myself.

Later....
I just went back to the bedroom, worked with my crystal. Then told him I need to have sex with him. We did. I came. But holy freaking hell ~ getting to the point where I allowed the release and the letting go of feeling like I am unattractive, unloved, unwanted - to saying what I need, and allowing him to give it to me. Alright - there you go, the joys of going down - cleaning out the left over gunk from many lifetimes - and bringing St. Germaines purple flame to clear out the shame - so that I can continue and get to the life that I know exists in a parallel universe for me.