As Below, So Above

It's come to my awareness that although he loves me and mostly in the way I need to be loved, he doesn't really like me. Like the core of who I am. At least not publicly - maybe in private. It feels like he's embarrassed or ashamed or I don't know what. When I talk about my real work - his eyes get droopy or he gets mad. He doesn't like talking about the possibilities of 5th dimensional reality. He knows I have my blogs, but never asks me about it.

I know it seems silly to some people that I would be upset about something so 'stupid' as liking a post on Facebook. But the fact is, I moved out here and let go of everything and everyone I knew and loved to be here, and do this with him. Because I believed in me and I believed in him. Those people who I left - those beings I LOVE and who love me too, are watching his reactions to my posts and they are falling off one by one. It hurts my heart to know that he does not support my visions. He thinks I'm delusional.

Here's the truth. I am going through a transformation - it's taking much longer than I had hoped - these changes that I seek outside of myself have to come from within me. They are not going to happen "out there" until they happen "in here". As I write this, my heart is in pain. Not my physical heart - but the energy center right in the middle of my chest.


Yesterday morning, the morning after I allowed my vibration to lower to depths that I am no longer comfortable with exploring because they bore me, I placed my beautiful huge healing crystal on my chest because it hurt. I was bringing in the light from source. All the way up past our Earth sun into the center of creation - right from the center - when I realized that I had another source of unconditional love that I haven't fully tapped into yet. Our Earth.

It was such a humbling experience to realize that I had missed this along the way. I mean, yes - I do send my grounding chord down daily, and yes I do bring her sweet energy in and integrate her with the cosmic energy from above - but not in the way that I accepted it yesterday morning. She came in so strong and the channels opened wide and I allowed it to flow into my heart center and stay in me - not going anywhere else until I fully allowed me to integrate it in every cell of my being. I get to keep it here if I want to. I've done the work, me. I don't think that's selfish. I keep channeling it through my body inside, then out. But the fact of the matter is, I can't do that until it's fully integrated in me. I just got a woosh of information. Writing rocks the house.

This integration felt so wonderfully smooth and sweet and I wanted to cry with how kind and lovery I felt in that moment. I could have stayed there the rest of the day and made sweet love to myself over and over again. I am so glad I sat here and got this out because I feel sooo much better than I did thirty minutes ago. #Win